Grief is a strange visitor. It is something that we will all share in our own way at one time or another. It blows in like an unexpected wind, reminding us that, in many ways, our world will never be the same. At that moment, the grip of that pain can be so acute that we are left momentarily paralyzed, not certain as to what we should do to rid ourselves of its unwelcome presence.

I lost both of my parents. My mother passed away five years ago from pancreatic cancer. My father joined her the following year after battling vascular dementia and diabetes. Despite the passage of time, I have found the subsequent years to be even more challenging. Their absence is more apparent now. The vacancy of my “touchstones” seems wider, darker, and more visible than before. I often have the urge to cry. Sometimes, I do (usually in the most embarrassing of circumstances and locations). Other times, when I feel the grief building and threatening to take my breath, I press it down and temporarily overt the oncoming crisis until I time that I consider “more appropriate.”

There is no “right way” to travel this road. It is a bumpy ride, no matter which route you choose. It is important to remember that allowing the grief and finding a way to befriend it is healthy. It will not be vanquished. Repressing it will simply delay the release (providing the risk of it building to an explosive capacity where an eruption is necessary to relieve the pressure). If you can, find a friend, mentor, therapist, or spiritual adviser—a trusted soul—that will support you without fear of judgment or reprisal. It is going to be uncomfortable. It is for all of us. Grief cannot and should not be escaped. It is a necessary part of the human experience. It is unmatched in hurt and heartache and it also provides the opportunity for a deeper appreciation for all of those that are left behind.

Be gentle with yourself. You can look grief directly in the face. You may crack, but you will not break. You are not only mourning the passing of your loved one. In many respects, you are also saying goodbye to the person that you were when they were present. Things will not be the same, but it does not mean that things will be bad or worse. They will simply be different. You will find your equilibrium once again. You will adjust. Hopefully, within that process, you will find a way to honor and carry the spirit of that departed loved one with you in your most joyful moments.

Success or sabotage? To be successful humans, we must be willing to embrace all of life’s experiences, knowing that they will all serve us if we will allow them to do so. They make us who we are as individuals.

Is this going to be an incredible day? Sometimes the most valuable of days does not seem so in the short term. Sometimes we must temporarily endure the pain to build muscle.